| what is up with this hiatus? |
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| 11:40pm 21/03/2007 |
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mood:  dourness
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well, as for me. *strugs* the art of life.
i am either gently or brashly reminded that there are beauty laced with melancholy in everything that we most likely are not able to comprehend, oh probably up until upon our death, which it comes or gone already. the particular moment when and where you inhale your last breath, between being alive to what? that's the whole evading perplexity. unliving is probably some carpet ride in some vacation resort, except for sociopaths and its perverted clerisy, a gas chamber with venomous snakes and those lost souls to embark in its own oblivion.
my condolences goes out to you, britknee. |
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| soap opera gone bad |
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| 02:51am 22/02/2007 |
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everybody has a story but i believe the real question is how you vivify your life.
dramasscandalscalumniation, they find you, no matter how you run away from them, they'd eventually sneak up behind you and tangle around your mentality until they suck in your emotions like the eye of hurricane. when that occurs, it comes down to the point of realization about the true intention by the natural disaster but then what's so natural about it?
in another words: KILL GLOBAL WARMING. |
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| death became him |
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| 11:15am 27/11/2006 |
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mood:  indescribable music: black flag
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rest in peace, my friend, we all really love you.
his name was georgie, only 27, died this morning, fell into a perpetual sleep and just didn't wake up as his body must have been cold and blue for cpr to be performed.
i don't even have a picture of him but with so many memories of him over the years. he "is" covered with tattoos and dressed very old school with them pony shoes. his favorite ride is this hod rod harley davidson styled bicycle- it was fucking awesome till he traded it in for.. ah nevermind that.
my eyes are too dryly out of tears but it still hits me once in a while. just wow, someone died today and it was my friend, someone's brother, uncle, son. life sure hit you the curve balls right to the bone inside the nose. i hope to see him again in my dreams so i can see if he's alright and smiling. |
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| severe case of obscurity |
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| 02:24am 08/11/2006 |
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with flies buzzing in my head, i like to think they're flirting with me rather than slurping at the decay.
with broken circuit in my brain, i am being swallowed in my depth below the threshold of the dying heart.
with my lungs filled with smoke, i scream only in water as the bubbles manifest into sting rays.
within this rib cage, my intrapped demons claw their nails out inside my skin for an indefinite outbreak.
i suddenly forgot for a few rage indulgence.
i am stuck at a pace where time froze
and cannot skate with rusty metal.
i occasionally wonder whether i am the thin ice
for it will make sense of my idiosyncrasies.
the need to snap out of reality
because it's devouring my gold wishes.
my feet are sleeping,
my ears are ringing.
among the copse
i fall in the roots of willow
and turn into a bathtub of maggots.
i can't die
because god is my mind
but i am not alive
because i am chained to
this pointless facade.
i want a new personality,
won't you, grim reaper, knit another for me? |
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| SCRIBBLES ONTOP THE WHEEL |
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| 07:20am 01/11/2006 |
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I WILL FOLLOW IF I BELIEVE.
I WILL LEAD IF NOTHING IS DONE.
ANY ROCK STATION IS MY REDBULL,
WHILE THE ROAD CONSUMES MY ENERGY.
IT'S A GIVE AND TAKE KINDA RIDE.
YOU WILL BE REMINDED LIFE IS HELL WHEN YOU
SEE CLOWNS AT A PARTY. THEY'RE
THE DEVIL'S BEST; INSANELY FUNNY
UNTIL YOU LAUGH TO DEATH.
WHY DO I CONSTANTLY MAKE THE
SAME MISTAKES, IT IS ONLY
SELF-DESTRUCTION I SEEMINGLY
CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF.
IS EVIL WRONG? WHAT EXACTLY IS
RIGHT? HOW CAN OUR BIASES
CONDONE ACTIONS BY
SELFISHNESS, CAN
SELFISH BE
RIGHT?
WHEN IT HURTS, THAT'S
WHEN YOU SHOULDN'T
GIVE UP.
BAD COFFEE & TEXAS
ARE THE WORST COMBINATION.
DEBAUCHERY SHOULD BE RATED
ON THE DEPTH OF CONVERSATIONS
WITH STRANGERS, NOT HOW MUCH
POISON YOU TOOK.
COYOTE ROADKILLS,
IT'S JUST SOMETHING UNNATURAL ABOUT IT.
THROUGH MY
SPLATTERED BUGS CAR WINDOW,
MY PARANOIA COMPELLED
ME TO THE
RESTRICTION OF
75 MPH
IN ATTEMPT TO
AVOID FLYING PIGS
DUE TO MY DAMN
LICENSE SUSPENSION.
ABOUT 11 HOURS TO GO.
I WISH SPEED LIMITS WERE NEVER INVENTED.
BEAUTIFUL NEW MEXICO.
SHE WAS DEFINITELY OVERLOOKED.
UNBELIEVABLY FRESH-
PAINTED IN BLUE WHERE COWS ROAM FREE.
TOO QUIET.
ALMOST AS IF I
COULD REACH OUT AND
LICK THE WARPED DIMINISHING CLOUDS.
IT CAPTIVATES MY MIND INTO ITS
DISILLUSIONED STATE TO EUPHORIA.
I'M NOT IN THIS CAR DRIVING
RATHER SWIMMING TOWARDS IT,
WHERE IT'S OFF LIMITS
IN THIS PHYSICAL PLANE
WHERE IMAGINATION DON'T TAKE IN FORM.
I WANT SOMETHING
TO CALL IT MINE
AND IT IS
NOTHING.
BAREFOOT PEDALING
MY UNTAMED SOUL
IN THE BODY OF
A WILD WINGED HORSE
WITH LEOPARD SPOTS
AND AN UNI-CORN
THAT STANDS TALL AND NOBLE.
I SAY I'M FREE...
FROM THE DARK
UNTIL NIGHT FALLS.
THE SUN DOESN'T SMILE,
IT'S ONLY MEANT TO
BLIND US... FROM THE BEAUTY OF DOUBLE STANDARDS.
THIS SHARP GUSHING
OF WIND WHISPERS TO
ME THAT I WILL
ARRIVE AND
THAT SOOTHES
ME FROM
TOTAL ANXIETY.
NEVERMIND WHAT I SAID ABOUT
NEW MEXICO, FUCK NEW MEXICO.
ARIZONA IS EXACTLY WHAT I
PENNED ABOUT NEW MEXICO BUT
EVEN MORE EXQUISITE.
INSTEAD OF BLUE, THE RAINBOW SKY
DOES EXIST. IN FACT, HERE'S WHERE
RAINBOWS ARE BORN HENCE THE HOME
OF THE SUN. I AM IN LOVE WITH
THE SIGHT OF THIS MYSTERIOUS CREATION
AND ONLY HUMANS WILL DESTROY
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
I CAN FEEL THE EARTH'S PAIN
AS WE SLABBED UPON HER WITH
SUCH PAVEMENT.
I JUST SAW ONE OF THE MOST
GORGEOUS BOY
AS I PASSED BY HIM ON THE
WAY TO THE RESTROOM.
I FOUND MYSELF FUSSING,
TRYING TO LOOK MY PRETTIEST
BUT IN VAIN, SO BRAVELY I GOT OUT
AND HE WAS GONE...
I AM PARKED OUTSIDE OF LOVE'S AT GILES END, MEXICO
AND 5 HOURS UNTIL DIEGO.
SHUT EYE IS MANDATORY.
CALIFORNIA IS HOME
AND MY SAFETY NET OF LUCID PEACE.
I AM SALLY'S FEBRILE TONGUE.
IT'S TO LEARN NOT TO.
-------------♥------------- |
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| 02:19am 31/08/2006 |
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as my bro-cuz muttered something like this,
"the passion for fantasy is an accquired taste like wine..."
and how bloody true. |
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| a fine point |
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| 05:25am 24/08/2006 |
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"jesus had enemies, hitler had friends." -unknown
it really does not matter what beyond your peripheral vision make an opinion on you. you hold the total ascendancy to ratify your life to your conformity, so, there is absolutely no excuse of adapting the influence from your surroundings when it's against your morals unless a pistol was forcibly pressed inside your mouth. of course, there are always circumstances of being loved or hated, but the fact remains true, even with the practice of amity, you simply cannot bond with every individual in this world because we are all biased to naturally judge. this penetration of judgment comes with the mental reinforcement of a magnetic force (-or+ which itself weighs on your post conductivity.) in another words, at the end of time, all you really sustain is the control of your reality so the secret of zen is to unwind laugh be carefree as you dilling dally around and around and around... it actually works. that's how you're truly liberated especially from your own person. |
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| the power of risk |
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| 01:03pm 17/07/2006 |
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music: i dare you by shinedown
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To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental,
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss,
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk to failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.
- William Arthur Ward |
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| destiny's intention? |
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| 06:30pm 04/07/2006 |
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i've migarated to here in austin last night from my aunt kris' house in illinos and i've been keeping it weird. 6th street is a new orleans version of austin and it is one of the best bar scenes i've ever been to. unfortunately, i was not able to get to phoenix on time since my illiterate self ran my car to the curb and deflatted my front right tire. it is lady luck's way of telling me to remain here for july fourth which is today. tomorrow, i'm having my tire replaced. otherwise, cheers to the significance of freedom to sham, perjury against oppression, and the adeptness of imperalism. |
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| 07:17pm 29/06/2006 |
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The most spiritual *people, as the strongest, find their happiness where others
would find their destruction: in the labyrinth, in hardness against themseleves
and others, in experiments. Their joy is self-conquest. Difficult tasks are a
priviledge to them; to play with burdens that crush others, a recreation. They
are the most venerable kind of a *person: that does not preclude their being the most
cheerful and the kindliest.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
*subject changed from the term, man |
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| in case these are my last words |
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| 12:39pm 19/06/2006 |
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music: truckin' by the grateful dead
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forget not that the tiniest gesture has quite an impact on people, don't spend your anger on hate but rather transform it into strength, live with serenity, love those who earned it, and "not chasing after a dream is like watching an ice cream cone melt in your hand."
ok it's time for me to fly... |
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| what i will sorely miss: |
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| 02:20am 19/06/2006 |
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the sound of dad strumming his guitars
my sister's mischevious giggles
the sight of melissa laughing
my temple of a room
the taste of home-made mac n cheese
this 150 year old shithole
harley's affectionate head bumps
a breath of zen at the creek
the beautiful pennsylvania without the roadkills. |
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| anatomy of love |
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| 06:41pm 15/06/2006 |
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what is love? why do people say love is eternity when they know there is a warp in its emotion with constant state of distortion? it is never consistent so how do they know it's evermore because really, it's a childish perspective. again, it depends how you define this particular emotion because as for me, everyday, it revises its own meaning regarding the occurrence of events to actualize the outcomes to either respect or distrust another. on a different finger, the love you donate, especially for your blood, has its own advantage by your willingness to forgive. even if there was lack of loyalty depending how vigorous, a thousand chances are usually given until they end up killing you figuratively. whatever it is, it all comes down to this, love is complicated shit that cannot extinct with or without conscious and it ain't always fucking butterflies and rainbows.
♥ |
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| some nonsense analogy |
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| 08:26pm 14/06/2006 |
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we all have ability, and you never really know until you try. it's the matter of effort itself is what really counts. so when nothing begets nothing, you learn in the hard way that even a parasite can find its way out of a vessel clot. if you have the motivation to endure after multiple of failure, you are justified to your own prosperity. |
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| nature's secret |
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| 07:16pm 09/06/2006 |
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mystery is like a forbidden fruit. when it first blossomed, it flourishes to ripe, as your mouth salivates for its immoral pleasure. if you do not masticate it and had let it sit for an extended period of time, it eventually begins to decay as the zest wastes away when it's going nowhere. but if you end up devouring the conjecture of its toothsomeness, your perception vertically goes in degrees between gratification and dismay but never horizontally. most of the time, it is not what you think. |
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| law of evolution |
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| 05:42pm 08/06/2006 |
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"assumption is a mother of fuckups." -unknown
so first, ask questions during perplexity,
then take action afterward...
i wonder if hypothesis is ingenerated by hallucination or tangibility,
now that's a question with no unbiased answers.
i'd say both, either from intuition or amass factual evidence.
feed
your
curiosity
because it's the way to permutation. |
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| the gospel truth of romance |
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| 03:32am 02/06/2006 |
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music: i miss you by bjork
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instead of accommodating the belief in the non-existence of true love, i have reached to this wisdom that it is only found in friendships.
when the passion of lust burnt out, what is left? |
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| between the dotted line |
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| 06:23am 16/05/2006 |
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if i was not given any volition, there will always be a way somehow. it may be tabooed but it never avert any of us to rift, perhaps with stutter retrainment. we all have our political theorem on all sorts of issues and doctrines about how we should live our lives but hey, let's be honest here. consider yourself lucky we are able to voice rather than as for women, to be confined in a cheap textile apparel with a red dot on our foreheads or as for men to be such ignorant chauvinist pigs with aids who empowered themselves to kill. i chose the right to not have children and by god, i can drive. hell, i can even innovate a religion. you know, if i lived in germany during the holocaust, i would be murdered for my deafness. i guess my point is, there is a reason i exist as what i am at this era. as though as i resent this capitalist society we live in, it has its sole purpose of promoting incension intertwined with greed. if we are not prompt to motivate, i cannot begin to imagine how we will evolve because obviously karl marx's theory crumbled a few times. |
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